| Thirteen years ago, I was homeless. I was strung out. I was broken. I was empty. I didn’t want to kill myself, but I also didn’t care to live. Thirteen years ago, I made a cry to God. Multiple drug felonies. No driver’s license. Living in a homeless shelter. I had done rehab before. I knew what to say, what to do. This time, it was different. I grabbed hold of this tiny bit of hope and just held on for dear life. I attended my first NA meeting. “My name is Eric, and I am an addict”. I didn’t want to believe all the happy people were clean, however I longed for. I wanted to smile. I wanted a hug. I needed to hear people share, often times my own story. A day at a time turned into a month. A year. Multiple years. The felonies, expunged. Rebuilding my life, a piece at a time. Sometimes, not fast enough for me but always on God’s time. I went back to school, earning a college degree. I traveled to other countries. I fell in love with life as I got to experience a new day each time I opened my eyes. I got my family back. The family I knew I was hurting opened their arms once again and invited me in. I made new friends. I made mistakes. I made amends. I also lost a lot over these thirteen years. My Mom. My sweet Grandma. My Cat, who took her last breath in my arms. And as the drugs got worse, I lost souls who were on this journey with me. I’d question why I was the fortunate one. Why did I get to live? Why did the mothers and Fathers, the Children have to die? Double-digit recovery was never on my list of things I thought I was capable of. Until I learned I am capable of just about anything. Recovery is possible if you want it. If you are struggling, please reach out. To me. To anyone. We don’t have to die from this. That evil which has set out to kill us can be tamed. I still dream about it. I still remember the last day, taking my final hit of dope in the rehab parking lot. Dragging that suitcase behind me with everything I owned. Through all the good and bad in my life, I have turned to the rooms. Each life changing event, someone had experience, strength and hope. I am now proud to say, “my name is Eric, and I am an addict”. |
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